this is odd

blue sky

I feel like I’ve grown out some parts of my life, or some parts of me rather. isn’t that odd? I feel like the same person for years but then I meet somebody I used to hang out with and then bam! I realize I’m not the same person with the one I used to be a few years back. what changed? are the changes bad? am I heading towards a falling down or a stepping stone? why did I change? why couldn’t I stay the same? just so many whys. but they make me think of where I come from and then I get to see my destination more clearly. because, you know, if you don’t know where you are coming from, you’ll lose your way. big time.

when I’m facing a change, I’d like to imagine what myself as a kid would think when she sees me like this. sometimes I imagine she feels disappointed, sometimes I think she’s happy to see what I’ve become now. but, mostly, I think she’d think of me as a pretty cool chick. going to gigs and music festivals, visiting art galleries and museums, having been living abroad for a year, going to art college majoring in design, and almost finishing my college years with friends and memories. okay, so I think it’s rather cool or boring lol. but, the heck. I’m having a good time. I think even myself as a kid would know that.

I still love the thought of having a house in the middle of grass-field, with a soak of sunshine coming through the window panes. I still love the look of the blue sky in the afternoon, with or without clouds. and, most importantly, I still like the smell of sea and the touch of sand through my skin. you know, I have this idea that when I still remember all those things fondly, I would never get lost in the madness and mayhem of this one mixed up world.

I guess I just worry too much. quarter life crisis. just have to suck it up. ciao!

but anyway. I’m getting pretty obsessed with Nick Zinner currently. you know, the guitarist of Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I think I’m over my crushing-a-member-of-a-rock-band phase. but I’m clearly not. after Laneway there was Faris Badwan (vocalist of The Horrors) and now all of a sudden Nick Zinner. I think that’s because I rented a YYYs concert dvd several days ago and that concert got me. bad. this isn’t even healthy.

all right. ciao for real now.

D

image courtesy by 2 Rights Make 1 Wrong on Flickr

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