I’ve been listening to the same song over and over. Now I can sing the lyrics carelessly as if I’ve been listening to this song my whole life. I miss going to independent music gigs back home.
4 months ago I was very content about myself. I just got into a university in a country I had been wanting to live in since I was a little kid. I also got accepted into a government scholarship program for my master’s degree. I already got over my last heartbreak and felt that life couldn’t be better. Being with family and friends and preparing for my master’s degree abroad were the two top priorities back then. I already imagined so many possibilities that could happen in my 2 years living in another country faraway. But then one afternoon, Life knocked on my door and explained that things would turn a little differently.
This evening you called me three times. Before, during, and after watching a football match. When you called the first time and were about to hang up because the match was about to begin, I didn’t believe when you said you’re going to call after the match. I thought for sure you’d forget or decide that you were too tired and just go right off to bed. I thought, oh well you must have been tired after all day of working anyway so I will let you be. But then you actually called. During the commercial and after the match actually finished. It was sweet.
Today I saw this online live report about an independent music concert out of town back home. If I were still there you and I might have gone to the concert. There were so many cool events back home that I wish I could attend with you. But, as unfortunate as it is, I’m here and you’re there and I felt so trapped sometimes because I can’t just appear in front of your doorstep and say hello to you face to face.
Maybe i should have stayed and then things would have been so much easier for us. A gig in the park over the weekend, occasional dinner dates after work, going to the movies whenever it’s convenient for us. But instead i left. I left you all alone in a city that is so big. Now all we have is occasional skype calls and texting and it feels like it will never be enough but we have to be content about it because we are 7,000 miles away from each other. And for that i am so sorry. I’m sorry i have to make you go through this.
I just wish you were here. Or I were there. Or we were together, side by side.
this is for me about 10-20 years from now, whether you’re currently feeling down, beaten up, tired of this life, trapped, or whatever negative ones you’re under right now. i want you to remember this. i want you to remember the 22 years old you, sitting behind the desk of your dorm room, with the radio on and the sunbeam comes from the window panes, doing the final project of your undergrad years with the hope to quickly see the world after. i want you to grasp the feeling that i have currently. the feeling that nothing is impossible. the feeling that i have after looking at the bluest of sky and the whitest of clouds. the feeling that i have after opening some airlines’ websites. the feeling that my life is going to be so good and awesome. i want you to remember the feeling that i have right now.
because, whatever happens, we are still the same person. you are me, only a few years older. what has that got to do with anything? nothing, right? you can still have all these mesmerizing and up-lifting feelings. i think you’ve saved up some money already all right, which is so good because right now i have all the time and energy in the world but no cash LOL. so, please please please, for the love of God, do yourself a favor and travel (if you haven’t already!). go somewhere you haven’t been before whether just by yourself, with your spouse, or whoever! go see the world for me. for your 22 years old self who is dying and willing to trade anything for seeing the world through her eyes. remember the time you spent in the USA, remember the time you went to singapore by yourself to see laneway music festival, remember the time you went to bali. just remember all those time and feelings, okay?
this world is too big not to be walked on or seen.
image courtesy: Flickr. click the images to see where the photo originally comes from 🙂